Microbusiness Mentor

Here’s a high profile woman entrepreneur that you have heard of: Madonna. The material girl. The diva of reinvention. Now, second time divorcee, and the difference is that she is older, even more successful – at least cumulatively – and a mother.

I have been rooting for her ever since her Ray of Light CD, which I found to be refreshingly candid on Madonna’s part. My favorite songs were “Drowned World/Substitute for Love” and “Power of Goodbye”. Drowned World, in particular, gave me a glimpse into Madonna’s reevaluation of what she, as a woman and human being, found as true and profound – and it ain’t fame and fortune. I admire her staying power, relentless pursuit of excellence, and obvious passion about her creativity.

So I admit. I feel sad that she is probably divorcing Guy Ritchie when I read J. Randy Taraborrelli’s piece, “As Madonna is pictured without her wedding ring…who’s to blame for the break-up of her marriage?” in The Daily Mail.

Because I want to see a marriage grow viable and strong between highly successful women entrepreneurs and their partners (whether famous or not). I really do.

In reading Taraborrelli’s article, I found many aspects of this portrayal of a high profile marriage reminiscent of what many ambitious and driven women entrepreneurs face in their own personal relationships. I decided to write an article series specific to women entrepreneurs and relationship mistakes to avoid, by learning from this high profile icon.

Here are all the articles in the series, Relationship Mistakes Women Entrepreneurs Make:

• Wanting It All and Giving It All
• Denying What Makes You Tick
• Hoping You (or Spouse) Will Change
• Not Picking Your Battles
• Forgetting You’re Not Married to Yourself

The reason why many of us women feel exhausted on all planes – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually – of our existence is because our social conditioning has lured many women into believing in, and adopting as values, the myth that

We SHOULD want everything*.

“What do women want? I know what you want: EVERYTHING! … Do you know what men want? Food, sex, silence. That’s it! … Our goals seem very attainable, don’t they?” Chris Rock, Bigger and Blacker.

Chris Rock follows up with what men, on the other hand, want. This is where I paid attention, because one of the reasons why men appear to excel professionally and in business is because men generally think in concrete and specific terms.

Being Concrete and Specific Creates Goals that are Attainable.

Women, on the other hand, are more process-oriented. For example, I had a tendency to think and express myself in ambiguous terms and in feeling “tones”. My process-oriented capacity serves me well when creating an open space for brainstorming. However, process-oriented thinking can get me stuck when making a business decision.

Therefore, women entrepreneurs, ask yourself 2 Key Questions:

1. Define “Everything”
2. Do you really want “Everything”? (You may want to identify within your definition what is a NEED versus a WANT)

Once I defined for myself what “everything” may include, I find that I sometimes can’t juggle and manage all the things that I already have.

This is when I begin to clarify what is a “need” versus a “want”, and prioritize.

I’ve learned not to want everything, or at least, to think that I do want everything.

I breathe easier, feel lighter, and attain more of what I want.

*I observe that the social conditioning of wanting “everything” by women may be paraphrased as, “I must be the Top Dog at Work, Mother of Year, Community Activist, have a Killer Bikini Bod, be a hairline shy of Enlightenment, and have poreless skin… and I must have it ALL RIGHT NOW.”

Talk about it with me at Blending Business and Parenthood: This is not “how to have it all”

FOLLOW THIS DISCUSSION on my thread at Evan Carmichael’s website forum.