Jane’s note: I originally published in September 2008 on another website. I made some updates in April 2009 so it can be relevant to my readers here.
I’ve decided to share my story here based on Kwai Yu’s call for members within his Leadership Foundation Cafe to share their personal stories of “doing” in leadership. This “Liberation Story” illustrates two major crossroads in life where I had to make a leadership-level decision and execute on the decision. The stakes are greater each time.
I never saw myself as an entrepreneur (or Leader in the truest sense, for that matter). At one point in my career, I said that I could never imagine NOT working for someone else.
I liked the steady paychecks, especially from a six-figure job with annual bonuses. I liked the paid vacation days and ability to call in sick when I got sick. I was field-based and operated out of a home office, which meant I had tremendous autonomy over my schedule. I had a cool sounding job title (Medical Science Liaison or MSL). Travel was part of my job and I would pay my my husband’s plane ticket so he could travel with me to places like Hawaii and New York. He could explore places like Hawaii during the day when I was in medical meetings and we’d have some personal time in the evenings. If the meetings ended on a Friday, we’d stay over the weekend and return to Los Angeles Sunday evening. In many ways, I already had the “dream job”, and in fact, CNN Money ranked the medical science liaison career #1 in healthcare in 2007.
I Quit My Six Figure Job With No Business Idea or Backup Plan
I can imagine people thinking I was nuts when I quit this six-figure job in January of 2004. I had no “back-up plan”. I didn’t even have a “business idea”.
I only knew that I was troubled by the way the pharmaceutical industry used – and sometimes abused – these field medical functions in a way that may ultimately put patients at risk.
I only knew that I could no longer sleep at night because I was not sure if what I was doing on the job was ethical or even legal.
I only knew that many of my colleagues warned me against speaking out and becoming labeled as a troublemaker, thereby jeopardizing my future promotions.
I only knew that my efforts to change company policy from within the company had failed.
I decided that if I wanted to commit career suicide, it should be for a cause that was consuming me.
I wanted to increase awareness of what the medical science liaison role is, and the potential uses and abuses of this function. This way, opportunistic executives could no longer hide behind an open secret.
My decision to quit my job was not a trivial one. My husband Cass and I had been living in a small apartment; we were saving up to buy our first home. By quitting, I had effectively reduced our total household income by more than half. My husband’s unfaltering support for, and belief in my mission is a significant factor in my success as an entrepreneur. He knew the risks we were taking, including the reality that I didn’t have a business plan. I couldn’t even tell him what exactly my business “model” would be, because I didn’t know either. I only knew what I wanted to accomplish and that my goals were aligned with the values and beliefs I held about my former profession.
The Birth of My Business
I created my company to be a platform where dialog can begin. Simple as that. I wrote articles. I spoke at industry conferences.
Being able to take total ownership of my thoughts and express my ideas allowed me to catalyze discussions at the industry level that I could only dream of as an employee.
What amazed me was that my passion for this mission to open a can of worms had many supporters, including my peers and pharmaceutical executives who genuinely cared about the profession. When you are genuinely passionate about a cause, people notice. Many industry executives and professionals who believed in me showed up to give me business and new ideas.
Things Started Taking Off
In less than two years, I was earning more than the six-figure salary that I was so afraid to lose. We found the house we loved and were able to buy our first house even though this was during the height of the California real estate boom. We’re less than 10 minutes drive from the beaches and the Pacific Ocean. We had plenty of room now to consider starting a family. Cass is only 4 miles from work so he can have a quality of life as well, instead of spending 3 hours every day in L.A. traffic. Within 5 years of creating my business, I had established a solid reputation in the pharmaceutical industry as an advocate for field-medical professionals. I opted to accept one or two significant projects per year so that I may spend the rest of my time speaking, educating, writing, and thinking.
It Wasn’t Easy and Worry Free
You may be reading this and thinking, “How Awesome! She put action behind passion and became successful!”
Well, hold on a second.
I want to tell you about the countless moments when I wondered if I had lost my grip on reality.
Or the many times when I wondered if I should go look for another job. Or the tremendous pressure I had put on myself to be an advocate when no one was calling for me to be one. Don’t even get me started on self-confidence. If I plotted my self-confidence on a graph, it would look like a roller coaster ride, oscillating between highs and lows on a daily basis.
What kept me going? What got me through doubt and fear?
I can identify 3 assets:
(1) the intensity I felt for my mission,
(2) Cass’s confidence in me even when I was not always confident in myself, and
(3) perseverance to see through my mission to make a specific difference in the pharmaceutical industry. If I did not have any one of these 3 assets, I’d have probably given up a few months into my new role as an “accidental entrepreneur”.
This was why in 2007, I felt I had accomplished my original mission, I began to feel restless.
I had a gut feeling that I needed to move in a new direction, where I may connect with an audience outside of a narrow niche, so that I may use what I had learned to help more people. I also became a new mom: our son Jaden was born in December 2007.
I Began 2008 With A Decision and a Crazy Idea
I began 2008 with a decision and a crazy idea. We had waited 9 years to have a baby, because I was too busy building my career, and later, my business. Now that we’re finally parents, I wanted to fully participate in my baby’s first year of life.
Being an entrepreneur was supposed to give me options, not limit me.
I decided to exercise my option!
I cut back 90% of my business activities to be a stay at home mom for Jaden’s first year of life. I wanted to be there for his first smile, his first crawl, and his first words. One late evening, when Jaden was 2 months old and feeding every two hours, I suddenly realized how little time I had left to myself.
366 Day Doing Only Things I Love to Do
I may have been deliriously exhausted or divinely inspired (or both) because I had a crazy idea to spend 366 days – one full year – “doing only things that I loved to do”. Since I no longer had the luxury of time while taking care of a newborn baby, I was going to spend what little I had to do what I love to do. From January 2008 to January 2009, this is what I committed to doing.
Obviously, I had no idea what I was getting into. I had never been this physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted, and at the same time, spiritually engaged. This was a living meditation on so many levels.
For one, I experienced what it feels like to be at total service to another human being without regard for reciprocation, where service was my reward.
When newborn babies aren’t feeding, they’re usually sleeping; their main interactions are to let you know they’re hungry or sleepy. I discovered I had been embedding my “external roles” into my identity, and when my decision changed my roles overnight, I felt as if I lost grip of the person I used to be.
Finally, I was surprised at how difficult it was to “do what I love to do”, because I had long perfected the art of self deprivation.
My Ulterior Motive
I had an ulterior motive for getting into this crazy idea: I had my fill of self improvement books and programs where I’m encouraged to do what I love, because success would follow. I wanted to know if I can replicate my success, but in a different field, and while adventuring along the path by doing what I enjoy the most: expressing myself through writing, and sharing my experiences and insight to help someone who is going through what I had gone through.
My decision to change course is not a trivial one, and now more is at stake. We now have a huge mortgage and a baby. By changing course, I had effectively reduced our household income by more than two-thirds.
Like the first time, I don’t have a “business idea”. Like the first time, Cass listened to why I believed this path was important for me to explore, and again, he supported my decision.
What Makes life Life
We focus way too much on Where we’re going and How we look while getting there,
When the Secret to Life is
Knowing how to steer, Who we travel with, and What we’ll do
When We Arrive.
What Makes leaders Leaders
Is Leadership easier Discussed than Done? Of course it is. That’s why leadership is mostly common sense but less common on the “doing / execution” scale.
Nobody said leading would be easy.
Most of us don’t realize how lonely “leading” actually is.
The true responsibility of a leader is a lot less glamorous than all the stuff we read about leadership.
But once we follow our initial act of courage to THINK like a leader, with additional acts of courage to BEHAVE like a leader… the reward is a sweet nectar that fills my soul.
Images by Lynne Lancaster
When the intention is aligned, the execution may be a matter of coordinating the resources to see it through. Chief executive officers (CEOs) therefore need (chief operating officers) COOs in big organizations to make sure the intention (vision) is supported by execution (action).
So I gave up bothering.
