Microbusiness Mentor

Here’s one of the biggest shifts that I’ve experienced as a “stay at home” parent-entrepreneur: I’ve trashed to-do lists and schedules.

Have you ever tried to “schedule” stuff while taking care of a highly energetic constantly active toddler boy?

I have, and after falling flat on my face a few times, I realized that “time” is absolute, just like “schedules” are absolutes, while everything I’m doing right now is “relative.

So I gave up bothering.

I’ve got enough to deal with, running after a toddler that eats danger for lunch (I mean this figuratively, but I’m sure there are literal cases of this occurring that I don’t know about… where my boy picks something off from the ground and eats it.)

I’m a member of a mastermind group, and each day I make up a “top 6″ list. I decided to put a new spin on this, this week, because of a couple of problems entirely of my own making:

The first problem is, I had been making this a “top 6 TO-DO list” instead of the priorities list that it’s meant to be. As a result, I often don’t finish doing all 6 things. If you’re a parent of a young one, you’ll know that on some days, we’re lucky to finish doing ONE thing and get through the day with our sanity intact!

The second problem is, if I make this a priority, I literally would have a “top 2″, not a “top 6″. The top 2?

#1 – Taking care of Jaden

(and the daily needs accompanying his care, from feeding to napping to playing to singing to splashing water from the sink to comforting him when he falls down to giving him attention when he wants attention.)

#2 – Taking care of myself so I can do #1

(that usually includes eating the meals, taking the vitamins, getting enough sleep and exercise, and having some way of neutralizing the massive doses of anxiety or mini-heart attacks from witnessing a toddler eating danger for lunch.)

Technically, then, every single day, I’d be submitting the same “top 6″, and it would look like this:

1. Taking care of Jaden
2. Taking care of myself
3. See #1
4. See #2
5. See #3
6. See #4

Kind of boring, when you look at it.

This week, after reading David Bernard Stevens’ book on personal leadership, I decided to do one of the exercises he suggested in his book: I began tracking what I’m ACTUALLY doing on a daily basis, and whether the actions align with my perceived priorities.

I only started this yesterday, and I already realize 3 important things:

Realization #1 – I’m on target with priority #1 (childcare), not so much on priority #2 (self care)

Realization #2 – I spend whatever little time I’ve got left administrating one of my businesses, and haven’t been able to “hard-schedule” tasks for a venture I’m in the process of building.

Realization #3 – Because of Realization #2, I am learning that I should give up trying to schedule things – it gives me stress that I don’t need, and it does not let me practice something magical that I’m onto.

This “something magical” is:

CREATE THE SPACE, HOLD THE SPACE, SAY YES TO ALL OPENING DOORS IN THE SPACE!

I learned this magical mechanism in 2008 when I took a business sabbatical and managed to somehow sow the seeds to a myriad of new business ideas, including the creation of 9 Pillars of Leadership!

So now, here’s what I’m going to do:

1. Identify the difference spaces I want to create, or have created and want to sustain.

3. Say yes to doors that open in each of the spaces that resonate with me.

Seriously… this stuff really works, and I have no idea how it works, which bugs me a lot because I was trained as a scientist and I was supposed to find out how stuff works, but as long as it works and I know how to get it to work, I’ll coexist with my ignorance of its mechanism.

By doing this, things have already happened (i.e. doors opening in the spaces I’m holding) that will get me farther along my goals than the different things I’ve scheduled before! For example:

- I’m scheduled for another Cornell University podcast

- I may be creating an “expert webinar series” for one of my businesses

(all this, within 1 week’s time!)

It’s amazing the kind of things that happen when I give up control and give energy to “holding the space”.

And at the rate that I’m going, I’ll achieve my aim of “6 figure income ’stay at home’ parent” for 2009 – something I want to achieve, so that I can help other like-minded people do the same.

Fulfilling my desire to be present for my son while generating a 6 figure income – now that’s magic.

Image by Mark Barner.