Freedom and the Difference between Selfishness and Self Actualization
Jason Eke at Micro Magnate has been reading my business articles for some time and invited me to join his network.
Since I recently authored, Want to be Free? First Define Your Freedom, one of the first discussion questions I posed after signing up is: What is Your “Freedom”?
Jason’s response inspired me to write this follow-up article. In fact, his response touched upon the very impulse that got me to write my Define Your Freedom article.
Jason said that he didn’t necessarily want a million dollar income, but he would like a 7-figure lifestyle. He would spend his winters in Australia, a country he had lived in for six years and loved.
I had recently read a book by a popular author who advocates living in many parts of the world, in countries that allowed him to enjoy luxury on the cheap.
I know it sounds glamorous to live all over the world and take mini-retirements. Sounds like you’re making life a series of mini-vacations, mini-adventures, doesn’t it?
That’s great - WHEN YOU’RE SINGLE OR HAVE NO YOUNG CHILDREN.
… And when you love traveling and living in different countries. The first 12 years of my life was divided in 3 countries on 3 different continents, and I have no desire to do more of the same during this time of my life. I’m not even talking about moving us 4 times in 5 years when my parents first landed in the U.S. (They were looking for better business opportunities and trying to reach the “American dream” too.)
Truthfully, for a very long time, I felt like I had no root, and I was wary of forming any relationships with others because I didn’t know where I was going to be moved to next. A colleague I know whose husband’s job takes them to a different country every few years have seen some side effects of multiple uprooting in her young child.
To me, freedom is not about “uprooting your whole family to live somewhere cheaper so you can live like millionaires without having a million.” Freedom is not about being selfish, at least, not the kind of freedom I am talking about.
My kind of freedom is inclusive, and born of consideration for not just me, but people I love. My kind of freedom embraces responsibility.
It means coming up with a win-win where I get to explore and leverage what I love to help others AND AT THE SAME TIME honoring the need for stability for a young family and honoring the career choice/lifestyle my spouse desires.
Too often, I see people use Freedom as an excuse to do whatever they want at the expense of their family and personal relationships.
Selfishness and Self actualization are two very different things. In fact, I think Selfishness and Self Actualization are probably at opposite ends of the spectrum of development of Consciousness.
Freedom to me means:
- I can live and do well in a part of California where my husband can do his job because my husband likes his job and isn’t interested in moving to another country (or becoming an entrepreneur).
- I can afford to live in an expensive location in California, because this convenience (the reason why it is expensive) gives my husband only 10 minutes commute instead of the 3 hours of rush hour traffic many of his coworkers endure every single day. This gift of time gives our family quality of life.
- I get to take one year “off” (like I’m doing now) to fully participate in my baby’s 1st year of life while evaluating new business opportunities that align with my current evolution as a business owner and desire to mentor/coach (like I’m doing with this website).
I’ll share the short verse I wrote in my What I Love to Do blog, about the pursuit of goals (including the goal of “freedom”) at the expense of people:
First time out,
I set my eyes on the goal.I drive onward, upward,
Tune out the surrounding,
Proud of my laser-like focus!
I pushed past the finish line,
Broke through tape,
I have arrived!So where is everyone?
In my fire to the finish,
I forgo friends, family:
People who matter.
And at day’s end,
Me and a Trophy
Are not “Home”.
True Freedom is a lot of work, because it demands that I am inclusive and grow with my loved ones - not just by myself.
True Freedom asks that I innovate and create ways to express myself and at the same time, strengthen the personal relationships that are important to me.
True Freedom is knowing the difference between selfishness and self actualization, so I can choose which direction of this Conscious Evolution spectrum I want to move toward.
Photo credit: Feather Fly by duchesssa
yet another fantastic post, Jane. I agree with your philosophy of living in other countries. Sure, I’d like to see other places, but home as so important. Especially these days when people are so separated. Thanks!
I have lived in many countries on most continents and have visited all of the continents. The main thing I learned from living in all those far away lands is that there is no place like the old U. S. of A.
I love the poem at the end. It cuts to the heart of the we can/can not have it all debate. I guess it really depends on whether our desires are inclusive or exclusive of each other.
Jane,
Great post and I love that poem. Truly. Thanks so much.
Hi Jane,
I loved this post. Funny it is so relevant to life right now. As an emerging travel writer, I’ve begun to read alot of blogs about these amazing families who sell everything and travel the world in search of adventure. It all looks so exciting and enriching, beautiful pictures and amazing experiences. I’ve been feeling a little guilty that our family won’t be having similar adventures any time soon!
We like you live in California in a house and community that we love. I’ve started my entrepeneurial ventures in an attempt to maintain this lifestyle while doing my best to be present to my kids and extended family. Like you, I would find freedom in financial success that would take away some of the bill worries, yet still give me time and energy to devote to my family and my community. A quixotic endeavor to be sure!
I don’t know if I can make any money doing travel writing, but I can tell you it is so far an extremely family friendly occupation.
Thanks for sharing this. Hugs to your baby.
-Bridget
Great post. I think that so many people get the two confused and tend to lean toward selfishness, which results in an unhappy marriage and family life. It doesn’t matter if you have millions, travel the world, and have an amazing business reputation if the people you love the most are suffering.
@ Bridget Smith:
Hi Bridget,
Thank you for reading my article and for letting me know that it resonates with you.
I like how you phrased it, “find freedom in financial success that would take away some of the bill worries, yet still give me time and energy to devote to my family and my community”. Many only look at the 1st half of this complete picture and focus only on the money side of the equation, often to learn the hard way that they sacrifice family and community in the process. Family and community are those “intangibles” that make up a bigger part of who we are people more than any amount of money ever can.
Best wishes on your travel writing endeavors, and please let me know how things are working out for you!
Jane
Hi Jane,
can you please add me to your subscibe list for this blog.suscribe button not working for me) I appreciate your writing, I sense your love of people and respecting their freedom and happiness. I have really lost my faith in myself due to a series of bad work experiences and I am trying to find my way back finacially and emotionally.
Your blog really lifted my spirits!, so i see you as a new friend. Briefly hers my story,
worked in a pharma lab, hurt on the job ripped my tedons in my arms pouring chemicals, didn’t get any conmpensation form workers comp. Fell onto social assistance because of my disability,for 3 years, (very degrading) couldn’t go back to that job so my career as a lab technician is now toast.
Took a menial job as security guard so I could make my financial obligations and had a car accident only after 3 weeks of work. In hospital for 4 months with a broken leg and a concussion. Off work for 1 year, not sure if they will take me back after one year of being off. I am trying to find a business that will work for me that I can do from home. My goal is to rebuild my belief in myself as a contributer and get over the victim mentality. With a still healing broken leg and some memory problems from the concussion I still do a little graphic design for a few clients and I also teach first aid and CPR part time for a friend. My insurance benefits will be finished in about 4 months and I still don’t know how I am going to make any money. I want to be happy in life again and I don’t want to go back to the 9-5 grind. — Any suggestions on the process of finding a fullfiling venture that actually makes me a living?—
Appreciatively,
James